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House “Cleaning”

Yeah, I “cleaned” the house today. At work, they clean using those wipes and the jet Swiffer. I already had that Swiffer, so I got me some wipes too. It didn’t seem like I was really cleaning anything, but I couldn’t remember how to clean any other way. I’ve been skating by for a long time, either doing the bare minimum or not even that.

It seems like we teach ourselves how to clean by the products we buy. I saw an add on TV for the next product I will try. I wonder how real any of it is. We watched Tom Cruise play Barry Seals in “American Made” and his character acts or doesn’t act in much the same way I feel I move through my life.

I’m pretty sure that was blood in my stool. My bowel habits have changed. I might not have much longer to move through this life. Is that why my trusted solutions are no longer working? Is that why everything has fallen flat, and unreal? I’m going to see about getting a fecol occult blood test tomorrow. The shit will hit the fan soon.

My Mom was able to leave me enough money to pay off my house. A house I feel is worth very little. But there is a nice paved driveway to the home site. In 2007 when we were looking for land here, a lot was described as a tear down, meaning a nice piece of property with some shitty mobile home on it. I think that’s what the kids will try to unload after we’re gone.

I’m going to write in my will that Johnny gets to stay here as long as he wants to. I need to leave it to Shayla if he’s living. If somehow I out live him, then the proceeds need to be split up between the kinds. The shop is what will sell this place. The house is a tear down, but it is livable. We are comfortable here. I piddle around with the landscaping, but it’s crazy, really. If someone wants a real house here, I wonder what they will do with the landscaping.

I’m working toward selection of natives that will crowd out the unruly natives. A fools errand. That’s what my headstone should read.

Comments on: "House “Cleaning”" (2)

  1. Oh no! I hope you’re okay. Report back on what the doc says. And, for the record, I love your landscaping. Also, I read this whole post in your voice. 🙂 I miss you.

  2. Hey sis, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about mortality and what happens after I go, too. We also get to pay off the house, and the motorcycles, plus have a little fun. Did I tell you I bought my latest bike the day after Mom died? I called it retail therapy. I was thinking “Fuck it. I only get to live once.” :-/
    Collin and I did wills when we were on the truck and the possibility of sudden death was infinitely greater, but sadly (for any heirs, anyway) right now I’m thinking if I go, I won’t give a fuck what happens to my shit because I won’t be here.
    For what it’s worth, I don’t think your home is a teardown. (Not cleaning seems to be a thing, though. You should see my house. I can kind of keep up with the day to day stuff, though I tell myself it’s because Collin makes such a mess. But he’s the one who does any deep cleaning. We recently moved our couch, and there were dust bunnies the size of dobermans under there!)
    And if tinkering in the garden/landscape gives you pleasure, then it’s worth doing. If it doesn’t give you pleasure, then don’t do it. Johnny has the brush hog, now, and he can use that to clear the shoulders of the driveway and around the house to keep it from overgrowing completely. You can always change your mind about everything. Even the garden tour. Do what you love, and shelve the rest. You can take it down again later…with the only consequence being how much work it will be to take it back down.
    I love you, and look forward to seeing you on the 23rd.

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