Yeah, I “cleaned” the house today. At work, they clean using those wipes and the jet Swiffer. I already had that Swiffer, so I got me some wipes too. It didn’t seem like I was really cleaning anything, but I couldn’t remember how to clean any other way. I’ve been skating by for a long time, either doing the bare minimum or not even that.
It seems like we teach ourselves how to clean by the products we buy. I saw an add on TV for the next product I will try. I wonder how real any of it is. We watched Tom Cruise play Barry Seals in “American Made” and his character acts or doesn’t act in much the same way I feel I move through my life.
I’m pretty sure that was blood in my stool. My bowel habits have changed. I might not have much longer to move through this life. Is that why my trusted solutions are no longer working? Is that why everything has fallen flat, and unreal? I’m going to see about getting a fecol occult blood test tomorrow. The shit will hit the fan soon.
My Mom was able to leave me enough money to pay off my house. A house I feel is worth very little. But there is a nice paved driveway to the home site. In 2007 when we were looking for land here, a lot was described as a tear down, meaning a nice piece of property with some shitty mobile home on it. I think that’s what the kids will try to unload after we’re gone.
I’m going to write in my will that Johnny gets to stay here as long as he wants to. I need to leave it to Shayla if he’s living. If somehow I out live him, then the proceeds need to be split up between the kinds. The shop is what will sell this place. The house is a tear down, but it is livable. We are comfortable here. I piddle around with the landscaping, but it’s crazy, really. If someone wants a real house here, I wonder what they will do with the landscaping.
I’m working toward selection of natives that will crowd out the unruly natives. A fools errand. That’s what my headstone should read.